Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame

CLAIRE ZULKEY: Inducted June 3, 2004

This Saturday will mark the one-year anniversary of Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. Hard to believe that UWHOF has been around touching people's lives and feeding my ego for that long. Wow. Just the very thought of it chokes me up. I mean, my ego has been stroked like crazy for a whole year now.

I AM A STRONG AND POWERFUL AND CONSEQUENTIAL BLOGGER.

Not too many other blogs have their own Halls of Fame. In fact, I can't think of any that do. I suppose I could use Google to double-check and make sure, but I'm afraid to. I don't want to discover another blogger's Hall of Fame and find that it's bigger and better than mine. That would suck.

Since its inception, two dozen brave and courageous and chock full of intestinal fortitude people have joined the Hall. And today we have our 25th: Claire Zulkey. Claire Zulkey is the wunderkind of the internet and she is more famous than God and Valerie Bertinelli combined. She is the author of Girls! Girls! Girls!, the writer of several published stories and essays, and the administrator and head honcho of Zulkey.com. Plus last week she not only was in The New Yorker, but she got her eyes fixed by lasers. Now she is in Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. Talk about icing on the cake.

I do like to think of the UWHOF as icing on a cake. I love icing. I love cake, too. And when icing is on a cake, it's like two things that I love coming together. In my mouth.

So now let's do as we always do for a new inductee and stare at Claire Zulkey's photograph for a period of time not shorter than five seconds. Begin!

One-One Thousand

Two-One Thousand

Three-One Thousand

Four-One Thousand

Five-One Thousand

There. Well done. So what do you think of Claire Zulkey's photo? Yes, the cropping is somewhat of a distraction. Apparently her ex-boyfriend didn't want to be included with Claire in the induction. Loser. What's he got against me and my Hall of Fame anyway? Oh, jeeze: you don't think he's got a blog and a Hall of Fame of his own, do you? No, course he doesn't. That would be like a serious long shot. Anyway, the cropping is still a little hinky. Why is part of Claire Zulkey's chin cropped out? Was her ex-boyfriend gnawing on her chin or something? Eww. Makes sense now why he's Claire Zulkey's ex-boyfriend. Chin-gnawing has never really done it for me. I had a girlfriend in college who was into that. I did all I could to stop her from gnawing on my chin. She was relentless. Plus she had a double-jointed jaw, so like the whole bottom half of my face was in her mouth. Not sexy.

But Claire Zulkey is indeed sexy--she's sexy and brave and courageous and chock full of intestinal fortitude for applying to the UWHOF, thus I hereby officially induct her into the Hall. For her efforts, Claire Zulkey received a signed copy of a fan letter I sent Star Jones. As always, the letter is one of a kind and more than suitable for framing. One can be yours too if you send me an actual picture of yourself attached to an email that effectively strokes my ego. So step right up and be brave and courageous and intestinally fortitduninal: send! send! send!

This post is dedicated to a very special post for tomorrow on utter wonder.